Lauritz Von Guildhausen
June 19, 2017
In a move that is certain to fix the low academical performance of diverse students, the Christian Democrats wants to put the monkeys in uniform.
The proposal seeks to roll out school uniforms to the three worst performing (and most diverse) elementary schools in Sweden: Hagsätra, Hjulsta and Rinkeby, who all boast an impressive dropout rate of roughly 60%.
Not to be deterred by something as trivial as reality, the (presumably) tax-payer funded clothing would act to counterbalance the students habits of bullying, sexual assault and random acts of violence, as well as their average IQ of 70, which incidentally classifies them as mildly mentally retarded.
Erik Slottner, future nobel prize winner, and man desperately trying not to notice race, recognizes that the proposal is fraught with challenges but has faith:
Of course, we can’t just be naïve and think that it just depends on a school uniform, of course it’s much more than that. But it would be very interesting to see if it would have any impact on these three schools to introduce school uniforms.
Rinkeby Valedictorian (2017, colorized)
The Daily Stormer proudly supports the thrust of the proposal, but suggest an efficient and cost-saving compromise: Just make them wear a blue triangle, or green. We’re not picky.