November 4, 2019
Science finally proved that women really are equal to men and that feminism was right all along.
Scientists have re-created the face of a female Viking warrior who lived more than 1,000 years ago.
The woman is based on a skeleton found in a Viking graveyard in Solør, Norway, and is now preserved in Oslo’s Museum of Cultural History.
While the remains had already been identified as female, the burial site had not been considered that of a warrior ‘simply because the occupant was a woman‘, archaelogist Ella Al-Shamahi told The Guardian.
Yes, it wasn’t because the idea of women being warriors is hilariously absurd. It was out of pure hatred for the pointiness of her nipples.
But now British scientists have brought the female warrior to life using cutting-edge facial recognition technology.
And scientists found the woman was buried with a hoard of deadly weaponry including arrows, a sword, a spear and an axe.
Researchers also discovered a dent in her head, which rested on a shield in her grave, that was consistent with a sword wound.
It is unclear whether the brutal injury was the cause of her death however it is believed to be ‘the first evidence ever found of a Viking woman with a battle injury‘, according to Ms Al-Shamahi.
She added: I’m so excited because this is a face that hasn’t been seen in 1,000 years… She’s suddenly become really real.’
The expert who is a specialist in ancient human remains is set to present a National Geographic documentary featuring the reconstruction.
The empowering documentary must be watched by young women everywhere so they realize that they can go toe-to-toe with men in combat.
The documentary shows Ms Al-Shamahi travelling across Scandinavia examining Viking burial sites and using visualisation techniques to reconstruct the contents.
Ms Al-Shamahi said while women risked being overpowered in hand-to-hand combat, they could have fired deadly arrows from horseback over longer distances making them ‘an equal match for men’.
Viking expert and archaeological consultant on the project Professor Neil Price added: ‘There are so many other burials in the Viking world… It wouldn’t surprise me at all if we find more (female warriors).’
Yeah, they could also have shot laser beams out of their eyes to help in combat or thrown menstruated pieces of clothing at the enemy.
Lots of possibilities here.
Although if for some reason I had to take women to the battlefield, I’d instead order them to flash their tits at the enemy combatants at some crucial moment of the fight to distract them for a bit and crush them or take the upper hand.
Tit-flashing tactics though.
That would’ve certainly made it into the history books.
But I mean, it would have been hilarious and totally worth it… and that, I guess, may have been the thinking of the viking men who allowed this woman to fight this one time if she really did fight: “hilarious and totally worth it.”