November 13, 2018
The future is looking to be cyberpunk, innit?
Some of the the UK’s largest companies are planning to implant their staff with microchips to “improve security” and restrict employees from accessing “sensitive documents,” sparking ethical concerns over such a move.
The Swedish firm, Biohax, which makes human chip implants, claims it is in talks with a number of the UK’s major businesses from the financial and legal sectors, to implant their employees with the devices, the Telegraph reports.
“These companies have sensitive documents they are dealing with. [The chips] would allow them to set restrictions for whoever,” he told The Telegraph
It’s the Swedes at it again.
Also, apparently this company is chipping people to keep them from sharing sensitive information.
Which is pretty lulzy.
It’s like putting shock collars on your employees.
Or something similar
But I’m practically positive that everyone’s super-stoked on the idea at the company. And they probably think we’re crazy for not being super keen on being chipped.
Österlund, who says he’s lined up one prospective UK company, with “hundreds and thousands of employees,” insists employers could offer this as an opt-in. “If you have a 15% uptake that is still a huge number of people that won’t require a physical ID pass.”
The prospect of UK companies microchipping employees has sounded alarm bells amongst union leaders and politicians, at what they see as a development which could exploit workers and call into question the ethical rights and wrongs of such a move.
The Trade Union Congress (TUC) is concerned that staff could be coerced into being microchipped. Frances O’Grady, the general secretary said: “Microchipping would give bosses even more power and control over their workers. There are obvious risks involved, and employers must not brush them aside, or pressure staff into being chipped.”
I’ll fucking say.
And I must say, it pains me that I’m not writing something cyberpunk right now.
But what stops me is the fact that pretty much all the technical shit that was written in the era of Gibson and company has already come to pass.
But all of those writers, assuming that they were trying to predict the future, got the aesthetic totally wrong.
See, they went for the whole 80s megapolis vibe.
But it never ended up going that way, did it?
That’s because Steve Jobs came along and single-handedly killed the gritty aesthetic of jutting wires and grey-black grim-looking machinery and blazing neon with his sterile, soft-edged and soft-white color palette.
Year: 2027. Location: Apple City
Furthermore, the rise of the soy boy replaced the expected gritty augmented criminals of the cyberpunk future.
It turns out the glorious era of biker-cyborg Terminators just isn’t in the cards for us anymore. We’re going to see a lot less of this:
And a lot more of this:
And now it seems clear to me that you’re going to have mystery-meat drones begging to get chipped by Globohomo companies so that they can show it off among their Soy Circle of Bug Buddies.
In Wisconsin, they threw a “Chip Party” for employees
Which is macabre in a way that cyberpunk just isn’t. Millennials getting themselves tagged and chipped because it’s a fun trend that’s only a hashtag away from going mainstream is just so… Lynchian, I suppose.
Basically, the situation is mundane, but also super macabre.
The Cyberpunk world, in contrast, is actually quite cozy and exhilarating.
But instead of downloading Kung Fu into our brains, I assume that they’re going to download dragon dildos and pro-refugee propaganda into employees’ heads, eventually.
In contrast, Cyberpunk was quite nerdy, but also quite masculine. There are all sorts of gritty underground bars to hang out in, augmented skanks to bang and philosophical questions about the nature of man and tech and evolution and all that to ponder while having your character gaze across the valley of neon and steel.
What can you even write about the actual future that awaits us that isn’t horribly depressing, morose and macabre, and without the redeeming qualities of ultra-violence and neon-masculinity?
It’s just fat slags with bright colored hair out there. That’s as close as we got to the cool sleek techno-future, fam.
Rolling dilapidated suburban sprawl with only the occasional drive-thru fast food joint to break up the monotonous scenery. Nothing but brown people and fat people and now apparently chipped people as far as the eye can see…
What’s the point of writing about that?