January 6, 2019
I know this site has always had a longstanding position against political violence, and we’ve given all sorts of explanations as to why that is. We’ve never been honest about the real reason for it: because PewDiePie has yet to call for it.
You see, PewDiePie is the true leader of all racists, anti-Semites, and fascists. There has never been any other figure within our lifetimes fit for the job. It is PewDiePie who will decide when the day of justice begins. Nobody else can possibly be up to the job. All those reading this right now have but one task: prepare themselves and their friends to answer the call of PewDiePie.
There are a few simple steps to this. First, you need to get a few of your friends together and subscribe to PewDiePie. When you are done with this, you need a few things taken care of.
Firstly, there are some critical skills that you will need to be prepared to serve in PewDiePie’s legions. Firstly, you need to be able to accurately shoot a variety of weapons. Spend time at the range and the trap and skeet clubs with other members of PewDiePie’s nine year old army. You also need everyone in your crew familiar with welding, soldering, and computer programming. So run workshops where you all share wisdom with one another in those areas and get yourself to a point where you are competent at them.
You need to catalogue all the potential enemies of PewDiePie in your area. These include Democratic party donors, Tier 1 law school graduates, liberal arts professors, technology or media or finance executives, and journalists. All of these are publicly available data. You need to have a list of all those in your area, as well as a pinboard map so that you can prepare for PewDiePie’s instructions on what to do with these kinds of people. The maps might come useful if you are supposed to do something within a limited timeframe and need to know what route would optimally put you in the path of as many of PewDiePie’s enemies as possible in the smallest amount of time. PewDiePie might ask you to peacefully confront as many of his enemies in a day as is possible.
You also need to know where there are large stockpiles of ammo, food, or valuables in your area, just in case you need to guard them from the potential enemies of PewDiePie.
You may need to have encrypted radio communications prepared for you and your friends in case the power and telecommunications facilities are somehow severed in your neighborhood. You will also want to be able to power your gear off the grid. You will need food and especially ammo in large quantities to defend yourself in case the Jewish government attempts to criminalize PewDiePie support. You will need basic medical supplies as well.
Most importantly, you need to prepare yourself mentally by looking in the mirror and saying, “I am willing to kill and die for PewDiePie, the rightful Lord and king.”
And don’t forget: SUBSCRIBE TO PEWDIEPIE.