October 3, 2019
The Daily Mail ran a British Women And Relationships poll and found funny things about women and sex.
There’s a drawer in Vicky Doyle’s bedroom where she keeps her silk lingerie. The last time she pulled it open — a year ago, to put a new set away — she stared at its contents and burst into tears.
‘I thought back to when each item was bought, for birthdays, wedding anniversaries and this latest set, which my husband left on our bed as a romantic gesture, and I felt so sad,’ says Vicky. ‘I sat there holding a pair of lace-trimmed knickers, crying and wishing I was still the person I was the last time I wore them.’
Vicky says her old self feels like a stranger: someone who would confidently slip into sexy undies as part of an uncomplicated prelude to making love several times a week.
Today, the 38-year-old executive assistant finds the very idea of sex distressing. ‘I only occasionally agree to it, with the lights out.
She’s 38 years old and an executive assistant — two problems right there. Old career woman having old career woman problems.
‘He goes along with this because he’s just glad we’re having sex. But he says my hang-ups have taken the joy out of it.’
On the face of it, little should stand in the way of this couple enjoying a fulfilling sex life. Their friends, Vicky is certain, would be shocked by their lack of intimacy.
‘I haven’t confided in anyone at all, and I doubt Adam has either,’ she says. ‘It’s not the kind of thing you shout about.’
The problem? Since giving birth to her son Bobby two years ago, Vicky feels deeply unhappy with how her body has changed — particularly her stomach, which bears a Caesarean scar. ‘I look in the mirror and see a flabby stomach,’ she says. ‘The last thing I feel like is having sex. I’m amazed my husband can get aroused.
No. The problem is that she’s ancient. She gave birth to her son when she was 36. What was she doing before that?
She spent like 20 years doing what exactly?
Grandmother-aged women have kids and wonder why their bodies are not what they used to be and our society thinks that that is somehow empowering them because hey, after all, they were able to spend their fertile years working and proving to the world that they can do men’s stuff too!
‘He says I’m beautiful but it makes me feel worse. I don’t believe him.
‘Before Bobby was born, we used to have sex several times a week, sometimes more than once a night.
‘But now the weeks turn into months. When we try, I find it so difficult to relax and enjoy it.’
Yeah, I don’t blame you, Vicky. I don’t believe him either.
This Vicky woman looks like a grandmother and she knows it.
Vicky is far from alone. The crushing effect of poor body image on women’s sex drive is among the startling findings of an in-depth sex survey conducted for the Mail — the most revealing of its type in years.
Our poll on British Women And Relationships asked more than 1,000 women aged over 25 about their affairs, their sexual appetite and what stops them having sex.
The data was weighted by age and region, using data from the Office for National Statistics.
…of course it’s only old women.
The answers are a fascinating window into what’s happening in the nation’s bedrooms — or not, because more than a quarter of women (27 per cent) said they no longer have sex.
That’s a startling proportion in an age when sex aids are casually offered for sale alongside supermarket groceries, especially considering that 72 per cent of those we spoke to were in a relationship.
Yet behavioural psychologist and relationship expert Jo Hemmings says she isn’t surprised.
‘Modern life is frenetic — young women are chasing careers, often raising families too; middle age can see you stretched further with elderly relatives to care for.
Old women may not be having much sex or many kids, but at least when they were in their prime, they got to grab some of men’s power and experience the independence and freedom of receiving orders from their bosses instead of receiving orders from their husbands.
That must count for something.
‘When you finally steal some time for yourself, slumping on the sofa in front of a box set can seem easier than sex. After all, we have endless streamed entertainment at our fingertips these days.
‘I see female clients of all generations who say they struggle to find interest or time any more.’
Indeed, 55 per cent of women polled reported simple exhaustion has prevented them from having sex.
Yes. All generations.
Women of ALL AGES have this problem.
Especially those in college, who are very exhausted from studying so much.
Vicky says that picture sounds familiar. ‘On top of everything else, I’m often too exhausted for sex.’
If you’re nodding in agreement, beware. Couples psychotherapist Hilda Burke warns always feeling too tired, or that you can’t be bothered, could actually mask a deeper problem with intimacy.
‘Tiredness is an often-used but flimsy reason for not wanting sex,’ she says. ‘The real reason could turn out to be much deeper dissatisfaction within the relationship, or one’s own looks.’
Hilda’s observation resonates with perhaps the poll’s most startling finding: that nearly a third of women surveyed (30 per cent) put their flagging sex lives down to negative body image.
That should come as no surprise, considering that women over 25, which is the demographic the poll looked at, are egregiously gross.
They know they are gross, they know that their “partners” know that they are gross, and they are grossed out by their partner’s gross desire to have gross old-people sex with them instead of looking for younger women.
In other words, British women of all ages are so worried about how they look that it’s stopping them from enjoying sex with the partners they told our interviewers they dearly love.
‘This is a symptom of our times,’ says clinical psychologist Lauren Callaghan, one of the country’s leading experts in body dysmorphia. ‘We might think poor body image is mainly a problem for teenage girls, but it can eat away at women of any age.
Oh, yes. Right. Teenage girls are known to have very, very, very, little sex.
Yes. Very true.
Although with the cellphones giving them all the attention they need…
Maybe they don’t need sex anymore?
Maybe sex is officially obsolete, and white people can finally just stop existing once and for all?