February 18, 2018
Imagine being a 29-year-old African child.
Imagine escaping from the brutal civil war in Wakanda and finding yourself on the sun-kissed shores of southern Italy. Truly, a chance for a new life!
Equipped with nothing more than the rags on your back and a vibranium-powered iPhone 8, you head to the cafe in the immigration welcome center in Vibo Valentia and browse the free lunch menu.
As your eyes dart across the menu, however, your heart begins to sink: pasta, pizza, bread, gnocci, lasagna…
Haven’t these insensitive wops ever heard of gluten intolerance?
No, this will not do. You didn’t come all this way just to spend the next 2 days suffering from an autoimmune reaction.
While sitting outside with your hands in your face, questioning whether this “new life” crap was even worth it, you hear the scampering of a cute pupper beside you. Actually, the pupper looks to be around 5-years-old, which makes him more of a doggo.
You’re alone. He’s alone. And the kitchen has a nice-looking grill.
Could you… ?
I mean, dog meat is paleo…
Animal rights activists are up in arms over attempts to barbecue a dog at an immigrant welcome center in southern Italy, with migrants insisting the practice is normal where they come from.
Members of the Carabinieri, an Italian military police force, intervened immediately after receiving a call from an employee of the center who had witnessed the scene of a 29-year-old Nigerian man intent on roasting a dog at the center in Vibo Valentia, in the Italian region of Calabria.
The man had succeeded in skinning and chopping up the canine and was in the process of grilling it for himself and some friends when he was stopped by law enforcement officers. The young woman who called the police also volunteers at a pro-animal organization in the area.
Explaining to police that such a practice is “normal where we come from,” the migrant insisted that he didn’t kill the dog but had found it dead by the side of the road and had decided to grill it. He also pleaded ignorance of Italian laws forbidding eating cats and dogs.
Police transferred the migrant to a different welcome center, located in the former Hotel Miragolfo in the nearby town of Nicotera.
So yeah, this erectus started skinning and roasting Man’s Best Friend the moment he landed on our soil. And instead of sending his black ass back to Nigeria on a small boat that resembles a Swiss cheese, the Italian police decided to transfer him to another immigration center.
Which is actually a 4-star hotel.
On a tolerance meter of 1-10 (where 1 = Vlad Tepes and 10 = Sweden), this is a solid 8. There’s always room for improvement, of course (only 4-star? really?), but it’s still pretty damn tolerant.
Incidentally, if anyone reading this article lives in Nicotera, you might want to keep an eye on your dogs. There’s a moon cricket on the loose and he’s ravenous af.