New York Times
April 25, 2018
Trucks kill. But some still insist that we must preserve the Truck Amendment in modern times.
At the time of the writing of the Canadian Constitution, in 1641, everyone needed to have a truck to drive around to pick up their crops of potatoes and cilantro and distribute them in their eskimo villages, before the cold, cold winter.
Potatoes were frozen under their igloos, to be dug up at various points in the winter. The cilantro was used as kindling to start the fire. So when King Kevin “Killdozer” I of Montreal initially declared:
“The right to rent a truck … shall not be infringed … upon penalty of getting run over by a truck …”
It made perfect, logical sense.
These ancient trucks were nothing like the modern death machines we know today.
However, in these modern times, there is virtually no conceivable reason that a single individual could ever use a truck. Not only is there no more need to store potatoes under an igloo (Canadians haven’t lived in igloos since the late 1980s), all potatoes are delivered by Amazon Prime using drones.
The modern Canadian home is powered by crystal energy, and has zero need to burn cilantro to cook its potatoes.
The modern Canadian home can also levitate itself and change its spot with ease.
Crystal energy has also fueled the horizontal bobsled, which makes individual travel as easy as lying down in a bobsled and using your thoughts to communicate with the crystal interface.
To the normal person, the logical need to repeal the Truck Amendment is perfectly clear, given that Canadian society simply has no further need for trucks or vans, and these vehicles pose an immediate threat to our society and our children.
However, the internet continues to be flooded with Russian bots who manipulate people into believing that they have a “right” to a truck, as they cite the prehistoric declaration of King Killdozer.
As long as Vladimir Putin and his thugs are a part of the discussion about the Truck Amendment, we will never be able to have an honest conversation about the role of trucks in our Canadian society.
It’s time for social media to step up and remove the Russian influence on social media which is propelling the artificial and unorganic movement to preserve this relic of a bygone past.
We here at the New York Times are thus calling for the full repeal of the Canadian Truck Amendment, as well as a shutdown on Russian bots on social media who disagree with this.