April 1, 2019
April Fool’s! Except not really.
Clown world has a lot of clown countries, but only one of them has gone as far as Ukraine in selecting a clown candidate.
Comedian and showman Volodymyr Zelensky has dominated voting in the first round of Ukraine’s presidential elections.
The first official exit polls released at the end of voting projected Mr Zelensky to finish on 30.4 per cent, a full 12 percentage points ahead of incumbent Petro Poroshenko (17.8 per cent) and former prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko (14.2 per cent).
But the real drama of Sunday’s election was the closer than expected margin between second and third places, which apparently eliminates Ms Tymoshenko from the second round on 21 April.
The difference of less than 4 per cent raised the prospect of prolonged protests and legal disputes.
At an event at her campaign headquarters after the exit polls were announced, Ms Tymoshenko refused to admit defeat. Instead, she claimed her own figures showed she had finished in second place with 20.9 per cent of the vote, and urged Ukrainians to wait for full and final results.
First things first.
Yes, literally all three of the candidates are Jewish.
Here’s Vladimir Zhirinovsky on the topic.
Yes, Zhirinovsky is also part Jewish. But he routinely says more based things than Alex Jones, so I unironically enjoy his hot takes and so do most Russians, it seems.
This time was no exception. He believes that Zelensky doesn’t have a chance because Poroshenko, as the incumbent, has the whole corrupt security services on his side and the other candidates will just give their votes to him in exchange for money. And then he says that Russia should have invaded a long time ago and does his whole “heads, pikes, ramparts” spiel.
By the way, the most popular political talk show on Russian channel 1 is Evening hosted by a Jew named Vladimir Soloviev. The whole show is just him and his clever Jewish friends all chit-chatting. Some nights, there isn’t a single goy guest on. They even joke about this and don’t hide it. It is, admittedly, very funny.
Everywhere you look, mang. Just Jews everywhere.
Now, some people say that Poroshenko was, in fact, not a Jew.
But Forbes named him as a Jewish billionaire, and there are persistent rumors that his father took on the name of his wife to hide his Jewish last name – “Groysman” – and Ukrainian nationalists have a habit of calling him a dirty Jew. The Jews themselves are not sure whether he is one of them or not.
But he was also the first Ukrainian president to address the Knesset… and he looks like a big, fat disgusting kike, so we’re going to treat him as such.
Timoshenko is also Jewish. She got her start in the east of Ukraine, as part of the “Donbass Mafia,” a group that made money collecting rents on Russian gas routed through Ukraine as well as sitting pretty on the industrial assets that the east had to offer. She’s been around forever in Ukrainian politics and was part of Maidan 1 in 2004 and a late-comer to Maidan 2 ten years later.
Zelensky (always be wary of people with the suffix “sky”) is the star of a show that’s pretty reminiscent of Yes, Minister and that by all accounts isn’t that bad of a show. Bafflingly, he depicts the wise and more rational members of government as Russian-speakers and the bumbling idiots who muck everything up as Ukrainian-speaking peasants, and yet the show is quite popular. He’s way ahead of all the other candidates and he is backed up by the very powerful and very fat Jewish oligarch who is now mad at Poroshenko – Igor Kholomoisky.
Bafflingly, you will find some of the highest concentrations of Jew-woke peasants in Eastern Europe.
But these same people will turn right around, thump their chests and proudly talk about /ourjews/ being the good ones.
/Ourjews/ are looking out for us.
/Ourjews/ are so clever and better than /theirjews/.
As far as the elections go, this whole damn thing is a farce.
And even as an April Fool’s joke, having the top three candidates in a crowded field all be Jews isn’t really that funny.