March 25, 2019
There is nothing that I hate more than a coffee shop barista.
No other profession is such a cock tease. No other profession has snared as many unsuspecting men both young and old.
How many men have dropped their hard-earned dollars and loose change into those heart-adorned tip jars, hoping against hope for something more than a terse smile from the seemingly accessible, but oh so distant 7/10 barista girl at the cozy cafe on the corner.
Thankfully, these frumpy, frazzled, “girl-next-door” fantasies will come to an end with the dawning of the robot age.
In the food industry, it seems, the robot revolution is well underway, with machines mastering skilled tasks that have always been performed by people.
In Boston, robots have replaced chefs and are creating complex bowls of food for customers. In Prague, machines are displacing bartenders and servers using an app. In Denver, they’re taking orders at a fast food drive through.
Robots are even making the perfect loaf of bread these days, taking charge of an art that has remained in human hands for thousands of years.
Now comes Briggo, a company that has created a fully automated, robotic brewing machine that that can push out 100 cups of coffee in a single hour — equaling the output of three to four baristas, according to the company.
Using a blend of Latin American beans, the machine — known as a “coffee haus” — creates customized cups of gourmet coffee that can be ordered via an app, giving customers control over ingredients, espresso shots, flavorings and temperature without any human interaction. The company says no other business in the world has applied as much technology to “specialty coffee.”
For the women themselves, the job is also complete trash.
No other profession provides the same level of deceptive illusion that you can “make it” in the big city. That you can study and work at the same time. That you have your life in order so long as you have this “job” part-time. That someday, an artsy but rich patron might meander on in and sweep them off their feet with promises of financial support and access to high society where they’re sure to fit in and belong once they finish up their graduate art degree.
Nater said he has no doubt his machine makes cups of coffee as well, if not better, than a human barista. Referring to the robot as a “high speed, totally controlled food factory,” he said that unlike human workers a machine doesn’t get flustered when business gets busy. By looking at analytics, he said, he can ensure that the robot is hitting “all of it’s quality marks.”
But Oliver Geib, a 24-year-old barista at Ceremony Coffee Roasters in Annapolis, Md., remained skeptical. As coffee is being made by a barista, he said, subtly gauging the ratio of water to grind as flavor develops through refined taste tests, is a crucial part of the process.
Lol okay, Oliver.
“All the numbers and data in the world can’t actually tell you how the coffee tastes,” Geib said. “A big part of what a human brings is being able to taste the coffee during the process of dialing in the flavor.”
Oliver is cope-posting. No one taste-tests your coffee before handing it to you, so his point is invalid.
And if it needs taste-tested, robots have better taste than art school faggots and cock-teasing art school whores.
Asked whether he was worried about losing his job to a robot, Geib said, “absolutely not.” Though he sees the value of robots making coffee at particular locations when customers are short on time, he said there’s a loyal group of people who will always seek out the slower, interactive experiences at coffee shops.
“A lot of customers really appreciate watching a barista carefully pouring water or steaming the milk or adding a little flourish to their drink,” he said. “The social aspect, the atmosphere and the interaction with the barista, is a big part of the experience of drinking coffee.”
… said no one ever.
Face it, Oliver. You and your whole industry have about 5 years left, max.
The only segment of the barista workforce that should, in theory, be safe are the stripper-baristas up in Cascadia.
It’s also far more honest, as well.
Unfortunately, we run in a country that is selectively prudish, and in many ways Neo-Puritan. Regular red-blooded male desires are still outlawed, while female and fag sexual desires are decriminalized and promoted everywhere.
These bikini barista shops are systematically being closed down by hag-ladies who no doubt think an 11-year-old boy twerking for dollar tips from grown men is just fine and dandy, but businesses who understand that men come to coffee shops to fantasize about the waitresses, not to “watch baristas steam milk” as Oliver the Hipster alleges and who decided to offer a more streamlined experience are shut down.
It’s all very sad when you think about it.
We just can’t seem to have nice things in America.