September 4, 2017
It’s about time Hell entered into the 21st century.
Hell has always been a place with a disproportionately homo population. There’s no getting around it.
After all, homos commit way more than their share of crimes and they love to sin all the time. Selfishness and an anti-social attitude come part and parcel with dedicating your life to man-on-man anal sex.
However, this new policy to only accept faggots may be taking things a little too far. What about murderers, rapists, Jews and people who watch “The Kardashians?”
We can’t tolerate Heaven being sullied with these people. If this goes on, normal people are just going to pack up their bags and move to Limbo, or maybe give in to yellow fever and take a trip to chink heaven instead, which I’ve heard has clean streets and doesn’t let Moslems in.
I could get used to this, I guess.
HELL – “Make Hell gay again.”
That was the message from the newly-appointed-and-then-impeached “mayor of the small, unincorporated community in Michigan’s Livingston County.
Confused? Let’s explain further.
In a series of comical Tweets sent out on Wednesday, Aug. 30, comedian and internet personality Elijah Daniel explained that he was named the legal mayor of Hell, Michigan when he was presented a proclamation signed by former “mayor” Odum Plenty.
It’s a town in Michigan named “Hell.”
My bad. Honest mistake.
As of today, August 30th, 2017 I am the legal mayor of Hell, Michigan. This is real. I am the mayor of Hell. pic.twitter.com/J7fuaLnFKV
— elijah daniel (@elijahdaniel) August 30, 2017
As part of his first day in the office, Daniel quickly banned all straight people from entering Hell.
“Growing up, I was always told that homosexuals would go to Hell,” the notice reads. “Now, the heterosexuals are trying to take this from us, too. As of today, I am establishing new vetting measures to keep radical heterosexuals out of this town.”
Well, with this new information, I must say I’m feeling pretty positive about this development. If all the homos in America move to a single town, which incidentally is called “Hell,” then maybe they’ll leave our kids alone. Also, it sets a nice precedent that you can exclude people from your town based on whether or not they’re disgusting perverts.
Seems like freedom to refuse association with plague-bearers should be a fundamental human right.
Unfortunately, with the state of things, what’s more likely to happen is that they instead make every city in America queer-only, outlawing heterosexuality outright.
Oh well, that just gives us all the more motivation to set up those Nazi moon bases.
Note: Please someone (TRS, looking in your direction) parody this as “Hell is for Faggots.”